He's a tool, not a hot mess. There's nothing really redeeming about him other than he is human and we have to forgive all humans for making human errs and blah, blah, blah. So this blog will not be devoted to Charlie Sheen (like everything else on the internet.) Giving publicity to him- and merely writing about him does that, like it or not- is like giving publicity to Sarah Palin: it just makes everyone vomit in their mouth a little and move on as lesser beings for even paying attention. I owe you all more than that. Especially considering my extreme procrastination in working on this blog.
I will instead devote this space to discussing some hot mess history, a segment I'd like to embark upon once or twice a month from here on out. In the beginning there were humans and the hot mess was born. That's not technically true: Before humans, there were dinosaurs and there is not a record of the degree of hot mess that may have been in dino-time sans the theory that they were wiped out when the planet got really hot and then really cold. That was a hot mess for the dinosaurs so technically, that was the very first hot mess. The only other known hot mess related to dinosaurs is that they have made about 400 Land Before Time movies and from them the only thing I learned is that I truly wanted Sara to go extinct. She was such a snobby homely dinosaur. She may have been the first known living hot mess. But let us move on to humans. For this first installment, I want to talk about a couple of the Marys of the good book...
One of the many Marys of the good book. In order to go with this, I'm taking on the interpretation of the Bible that is a bit more literal than I'm generally comfortable with: immaculate conception. Perhaps if we took the symbolic route, this opinion would be different but since I'm a firm believer in evolution and a firm disbeliever in some of the more wild literal interpretations out there, I'm going to stick with utilizing the notions I think most of us learned in Vacation Bible School and were re-taught every year before our annual Christmas Pageant.
I'm going to go with this is a flat out "hell no." It's just not possible. Let's face it, she clearly had a roll in the hay with someone at some point and got knocked up. It's not as if there were impeccable gynecological exams back then, and other than her word, there's virtually no evidence she was more than a promiscuous farm girl who covered up her promiscuity via another enormous lie: immaculate conception in a "virgin." I'm not saying that she wasn't a nice person, or that she didn't birth a prominent figure to the Christian faith. I'm just saying I think she maybe had too much opium and forgot about that one time her friend Joe and her were cleaning up the manger... So, at a time when this behavior was unacceptable, the best thing to do is to try and get a quick marriage and hope no one notes the discrepancy in dates. This still happens world wide let me remind you. So really, she is actually the model of hot mess behavior with regard to unexpected pregnancy we see all over the West. She inadvertently created the show "I didn't know I was Pregnant" years later...
Which basically puts her below par to ill-reputed Mary Magdalene, who by the way, was found to NOT be a whore, or even a hot mess (declared to not be such a sinner in 1969 by the Catholic Church), but an important part of Christian history, including being included in some texts as one of Jesus' more prominent disciples. She is even said to have been at The Last Supper, or at least DaVinci thought she was, which in general makes her a bit more likable and a bit less suspect than her reputation of past would have her be. (A few sources follow but for the real deal you can actually read Mary Magdalene's "gospel", or check out a book in the library-they have AC!: PBS, Mary Magdalene, BBC, Mary of Magdala.) My guess is this makes the Catholic Church some what of a standing hot mess because let's face it, they aren't generally very supportive of women having any sort of power or rights over themselves- let alone any type of populace or group. I'd guess that a female disciple and many of the texts related to her would substantially change the face of Christian history and also the role of women in the world in general... but this isn't really the platform for that discussion, I'll leave it up to your inquisitive minds to mull over. Let's say this, she's a Saint. But everyone thinks she's a whore. She was a hot mess by force and not by her own actions.
So... the real Hot Mess Mary (a phrase I really like to use when talking about some of the females I know) was in fact, Jesus' Mom.
I'm not judging. If facing a death or prison sentence vs. birthing Christ, I'd birth the hell out of Christ and take all the frankincense and myrrh I could get my hands on...
Any historical people you'd like to see me talk about? Send 'em and I'll research a bit and point out their prominent roles in the current realization of the Hot Mess.
P.S. I'd like to welcome summer. Lots of Hot Messery to Commence!
I will instead devote this space to discussing some hot mess history, a segment I'd like to embark upon once or twice a month from here on out. In the beginning there were humans and the hot mess was born. That's not technically true: Before humans, there were dinosaurs and there is not a record of the degree of hot mess that may have been in dino-time sans the theory that they were wiped out when the planet got really hot and then really cold. That was a hot mess for the dinosaurs so technically, that was the very first hot mess. The only other known hot mess related to dinosaurs is that they have made about 400 Land Before Time movies and from them the only thing I learned is that I truly wanted Sara to go extinct. She was such a snobby homely dinosaur. She may have been the first known living hot mess. But let us move on to humans. For this first installment, I want to talk about a couple of the Marys of the good book...
Jesus' Mom & Mary Magdalene
I'm going to go with this is a flat out "hell no." It's just not possible. Let's face it, she clearly had a roll in the hay with someone at some point and got knocked up. It's not as if there were impeccable gynecological exams back then, and other than her word, there's virtually no evidence she was more than a promiscuous farm girl who covered up her promiscuity via another enormous lie: immaculate conception in a "virgin." I'm not saying that she wasn't a nice person, or that she didn't birth a prominent figure to the Christian faith. I'm just saying I think she maybe had too much opium and forgot about that one time her friend Joe and her were cleaning up the manger... So, at a time when this behavior was unacceptable, the best thing to do is to try and get a quick marriage and hope no one notes the discrepancy in dates. This still happens world wide let me remind you. So really, she is actually the model of hot mess behavior with regard to unexpected pregnancy we see all over the West. She inadvertently created the show "I didn't know I was Pregnant" years later...
Which basically puts her below par to ill-reputed Mary Magdalene, who by the way, was found to NOT be a whore, or even a hot mess (declared to not be such a sinner in 1969 by the Catholic Church), but an important part of Christian history, including being included in some texts as one of Jesus' more prominent disciples. She is even said to have been at The Last Supper, or at least DaVinci thought she was, which in general makes her a bit more likable and a bit less suspect than her reputation of past would have her be. (A few sources follow but for the real deal you can actually read Mary Magdalene's "gospel", or check out a book in the library-they have AC!: PBS, Mary Magdalene, BBC, Mary of Magdala.) My guess is this makes the Catholic Church some what of a standing hot mess because let's face it, they aren't generally very supportive of women having any sort of power or rights over themselves- let alone any type of populace or group. I'd guess that a female disciple and many of the texts related to her would substantially change the face of Christian history and also the role of women in the world in general... but this isn't really the platform for that discussion, I'll leave it up to your inquisitive minds to mull over. Let's say this, she's a Saint. But everyone thinks she's a whore. She was a hot mess by force and not by her own actions.
So... the real Hot Mess Mary (a phrase I really like to use when talking about some of the females I know) was in fact, Jesus' Mom.
I'm not judging. If facing a death or prison sentence vs. birthing Christ, I'd birth the hell out of Christ and take all the frankincense and myrrh I could get my hands on...
Any historical people you'd like to see me talk about? Send 'em and I'll research a bit and point out their prominent roles in the current realization of the Hot Mess.
P.S. I'd like to welcome summer. Lots of Hot Messery to Commence!
No comments:
Post a Comment